My mom had the cops haul me off to the hospital yesterday for a suicide evaluation

Leucosticte

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#1
I got there and the nurses were like, "Oh my god, what happened to your wrist?! Was that from the handcuffs?" Yeah lady, handcuffs will do that when you're cuffed behind your back and there are two cops dragging you by either arm. That's the first time I've had handcuffs draw blood before, though; usually they just leave a few bruises.

The cop stood guard while they stuck a needle in my arm and took a bunch of vials for analysis. Then they threatened me, "If you don't pee in this cup, we're going to put a catheter in you. You know what we have to stick that up, right?" Up till that point, I'd refused to talk to them, but I decided to break my silence and say, "Give me some water and some privacy."

Then the cop stood around for like five hours chitchatting with the nurses and eating the chocolate cake one of them made, while they teased him about his red hair, saying the reason his adoptive parents beat him as a kid was that he was the redheaded stepchild.

What ended up happening was that I had a teleconference with a Licensed Professional Counselor who yawned through the whole conversation (I think they woke him up to do this evaluation, and he hadn't had his coffee yet) while giving me about a two-hour pep talk about how suicide isn't worth it.

I asked him, "What are the odds that a guy who's been a failure his whole adulthood would be able to turn his situation around at age 38" and he started telling me he's about he same age I am, and his life used to be shit until he turned it around by getting into psychology. He said he'd had trouble holding any job, but he'd been at that clinician job for 3-4 years now. I was like, "Yeah, but I have a felony conviction, so I can't just go back to school so I can work for the Community Services Board assessing people for suicide risk."

I was like, "Also, maybe the fact that you succeed at this job isn't so much a sign that you've finally found a field you're talented at, but rather that your employer's standards of performance are really low."

I asked him, "What's your evolutionary theory about why humans have the capacity for suicide," and he said it has to do with our intelligence, which allows us to experience complex emotions that animals can't, but that in his opinion suicide is caused by two things, #1, people being shortsighted and not being able to see how there's still hope, and #2, the devil deceiving people. I thought to myself, "Okay, so I'm basically dealing with the equivalent of a witch doctor here."

I was like, "Yeah, but your religion is more supportive of losers than mainstream society is; your religion teaches that God is going to use losers to do his work, so that it'll bring glory to him, while society looks at losers as a burden." (Basically I was referring to 1 Corinthians 1:26-29)

He brought up the analogy, "Have you heard the saying that you can count how many seeds are in an apple, but you can't count how many apples are in a seed?" Aka, I might be that seed that's going to produce billions of apples. I was like, "Yeah, but what if it's not an apple seed but a pokeberry seed? You pretty much know by its species that it won't produce edible fruit." He was like, "Yeah but animals can eat pokeberry, and we can eat the animals!" This guy's optimism was relentless.

I started telling him about how I got kicked out of the incel community for being married, and he got indignant and said there are married guys who are incel. I was like, "Yeah, I made that same argument, but they didn't buy it." I brought up how part of my problem is that I failed in the work world, which people say means I have nothing to offer a woman; I mentioned that a lot of marriages have problems because the wife expects her husband to be higher-status yet she makes more money than he does. He commented that his wife makes more money than he does. I was like, "Yeah, I could kinda tell by the look on your face when I brought that up."

I mentioned that suicide rates are up these days, and that this indicates there's a societal problem rather than an individual problem going on, since it's society that's either producing these fucked-up individuals or turning normal people into misfits, and he said he's not here to diagnose society. I was like, "But maybe the individual has to change society by killing himself, to catch their attention, like in 13 Reasons Why. Also, maybe some guys pass their peak and would be better off checking out; what about how Kurt Cobain killed himself because he thought it would be better to burn out than to fade away?" At that point he interrupted to remind me that Kurt Cobain didn't commit suicide; it was his wife who killed him.

I asked him, "Are there ever any cases where you think suicide is the right choice?" He said that it's the wrong choice 99.9% of the time, and the only exception would be when a guy is jumping on a grenade to save his comrades. I was thinking, "I should invite this guy to the club as my wingman sometime, in case there's a fat chick I need him to fuck so I can get with her friend."

Anyway, at the end, he said, "I just have one more question," and I was like, "I already know what it is." Of course, he wanted to know if I was going to hurt myself. I was like, "I fuck up everything in my life, so I don't know that I'm competent enough to kill myself. I might make preparations, but that doesn't mean they'll turn into attempts, because I don't necessarily feel confident I've figured out a good method."

Long story short, I got sent home. They don't have bed space to keep people who aren't imminently planning on killing themselves.

On the way out, the nurses were like, "You need to exercise, get spiritual, work on being happy. It's not going to happen by itself."
 
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#4
Lol of course they were not able to help you at all, they are essentially modern day witch doctors.

As for you able to turn it around: maybe if you let go of all pride, become a male feminist or similar, get some job.
 

RegisterUserName

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#5
Sounds more interesting than my day...
How does this affect your current suicide plans pertaining to them knowing about your camping trip and stuff?
 

Leucosticte

Hebephebophilic レイプcel
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#6
Sounds more interesting than my day...
How does this affect your current suicide plans pertaining to them knowing about your camping trip and stuff?
Well, my mom told them, "He's got this trail leading into the woods" and the cops were like, "Yeah but it's muddy," i.e. they didn't feel like walking that trail to see where it went. My mom got the impression they were scared to walk that trail in the middle of the night because those woods are spooky. (One of the cops was making ghost sounds to try to scare the other one.)

They said, "Technically he's trespassing, but unless the property owner is going to complain, we're not going to do anything about that." They said it looked like that trail just went off into nowhere anyway (i.e. they didn't figure out that parts of it crossed rocky ground and/or the creek before resuming on the other side).

My mom said this morning, "I'm not calling the cops on you again, because they're stupid."
 
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fukurou

hadouken
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#7
well, my mom told them, "he'S got tHIs Trail leading into the woods" and the coPs were like, "yeah but it's muddy," i.e. they didn't feel like walking that trail tO See where iT went. my mom got the impression they were scared to walk that trail in the middle of the night because those woods are spooky. (one of the cops was making ghost sounds to try to scare the other one; i guess those woods have a reputation or something)
they said, "technically he's trespassing, but unless the property owner is going to complain, we're not going to do anything about that." they said it looked like that trail just went off into nowhere anyway (i.e. they didn't figure out that parts of it crossed rocky ground and/or the creek before resuming on the other side).
my mom said this morning, "i'm not calling the cops on you again, because they're stupid."
do you fuck the grass ? I would
 

RegisterUserName

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#8
Well, my mom told them, "He's got this trail leading into the woods" and the cops were like, "Yeah but it's muddy," i.e. they didn't feel like walking that trail to see where it went. My mom got the impression they were scared to walk that trail in the middle of the night because those woods are spooky. (One of the cops was making ghost sounds to try to scare the other one; I guess those woods have a reputation or something)

They said, "Technically he's trespassing, but unless the property owner is going to complain, we're not going to do anything about that." They said it looked like that trail just went off into nowhere anyway (i.e. they didn't figure out that parts of it crossed rocky ground and/or the creek before resuming on the other side).

My mom said this morning, "I'm not calling the cops on you again, because they're stupid."
Hm. I thought pigs liked mud.
 
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